About the Author
World-renowned for his innovative lectures and workshops, Professor Sterling Johnson has been teaching English as a second language for over twenty years. He now lives in Pacific Grove, California, where he enjoys a "nice f*cking day" as much as the next fellow.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
English as a Second F*cking Language
How to Swear Effectively, Explained in Detail with Numerous Examples Taken From Everyday LifeBy Sterling JohnsonSt. Martin's Griffin
Copyright © 1996 Sterling Johnson
All right reserved.
ISBN: 9780312143299
FUCKFuck is the mother of all words. Short and effective, it gets to the root of creation.The euphemisms for fuck are cumbersome and inexact. One example will make our point:
example: Romeo:I want to engage in sexual intercourse with you.Juliet:Sorry, I don’t have time. I thought you just wanted to fuck.
Some Romeo! What a namby-pamby mouthful! In the time it takes to say it, you could fuck a half-dozen times.
Fuck is sometime called the F-Word. Avoid that term. Just say fuck.
fuck
The word’s meaning, both as noun and verb, is sexual and positive. However, many of its extended, nonsexual meanings can be negative.
example:
Sigmund: How come you’re mad at Carl?Rudolph: The no-good fuck fucked me out of ten dollars.
fuck around
This sometimes means to fuck people other than your mate. It can also mean to engage in idle fun.
example: Dwight:Phoebe, dear, were you fucking around with anyone while I was at the shoe-clerk convention?Phoebe:Gosh no, honey. I spent my time fucking around by myself in the garden.Dwight:Odd. I found a used condom under our bed, and it wasn’t mine.Phoebe:Huh, where do you suppose it came from?fuck it
The non-sexual meaning is similar to “the hell with it.” It’s a useful term for dismissing nonessential or irrelevant matters.
example: Nadine:Arnold, if we don’t pay this phone bill by noon today, they’ll shut off our service.Arnold:Fuck it. There’s no one I want to talk to, anyway.fuck up
As a noun, fuck-up refers to a botched situation or an incompetent person. As a verb, fuck up refers to the action that caused it.
example: Henry:That job turned out to be a real fuck-up.Eugene:That’s because that fuck-up Jackson was in charge. He could fuck up a wet dream.
Fuck you!
This is one of the most useful phrases in the lexicon of swears. It eliminates the need to argue—or even reason—with people whose purposes or opinions are different from your own.
example:(NOTE: Marcel’s words are italicized to indicate that he is acting them out rather than speaking them.)Marcel:Could you spare $5 to support the mime foundation?Frank:Fuck you!example:Officer:I’m sorry I had to ticket you, but the radar clocked you at five miles over the limit. Have a nice day!Mort:Fuck you!EQUIVALENTS OF FUCKThere are a number of equivalents for the word fuck. Our panel sees no need for them, but we offer a few for informational purposes.VERBSball
This comes from the expression “to have a ball”—a good time. The “ball” in this case refers to a gala event, not a testicle. However, in order to ball, you need to have the testicular type of ball. You only need one, but two is the norm.
example: Norm:What happened with the girl you met at the ball last night?Al:She grabbed my left ball, so we left the ball and I balled her.
bang
Of the many aggressive words for fuck, this is the most common. Others include boff and thump.
examples:Dexter:Did I tell you I banged that blonde waitress from the Reno Diner?Baxter:I thought you said you boffed the redhead.Dexter:Right. I thumped them bothBaxter:You sure have a way with the ladies!dick
This term comes from the tool used in the act.
example: William:When does a gigolo bill his client?Richard:After he dicks her.
get it, etc.
Combinations with get that mean fuck include: get a little, get in, get it, get it on, get laid, get some, and get your ashes hauled.
hide the weenie
This is a jocular way to say fuck. Avoid it.
lay
This is a mild term for fuck, and a common one. It’s based on the strange idea that people always lay down to fuck (see basket fuck in the IDIOMS section).
screw
Except in a basket fuck (see the IDIOMS section) there is no actual rotation involved. Like fuck, screw can have a negative, non-sexual meaning.
example: Sergio:I screwed up my math test; now I can’t go on the class beach picnic.Andre:Then you won’t get fucked; it looks like you’re screwed.NOUNSlay
fuck
piece of ass
quickie
FUCK ANALYSISNight at the OperaJohn:Mary, would you like to attend the opera this evening?Mary:Fucking-A1. Should I wear my black dress?John:Why the fuck2 not?Mary:Fucked3 if I know—Oh, fuck4! I just remembered. It got fucked up5 in the wash.John:Well, fuck6 the opera, let’s stay home and fuck7.Mary:Good fucking8 idea.1. Fucking-A: This is a strong affirmation.2. the fuck: This is an intensifier.3. Fucked: This is short for “I’ll be fucked if I know,” which has nothing to do with actual fucking. It’s the equivalent of “I’ll be damned if I know,” which has nothing to do with damnation. In other words: “I don’t know.”4. Oh, fuck! This is an interjection. The Oh isn’t necessary; Fuck! by itself is a complete interjection.5. fucked up: This means damaged.6. fuck: Here, fuck is used in a negative sense, similar to, “The hell with the opera.”7. fuck: Here, fuck is used in its primary sense.8. fucking: A novice might think the intended meaning is: “This is a good idea about fucking.” In fact fucking in the sexual sense isn’t intended; the word is merely an intensifier. And a fucking good one at that.
Copyright © 1995 by Sterling Johnson. All rights reserved.
Continues...
Excerpted from English as a Second F*cking Language by Sterling Johnson Copyright © 1996 by Sterling Johnson. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site. 
